A Giant Bug Tried to Kill Me
And by giant, I mean a spider a little bigger than a quarter with red legs. RED? What the hell kind of spider has red legs?! The problem with giant bugs with a gazillion legs in our household is that both Dave and I hate killing them. Me being deathly afraid of them and Dave being completely freaked out by them. So, usually the discovery of a bug in our household goes something like this:
Boo finds the bug, and immediately begins crying at us to pick her up so she can reach it and swat it. I used to play this game with her when she was a kitten with flies, and now she's a big cat so she thinks she can swat at big bugs. At this point we determine that this is not a job for the cat. And the debate begins.
"You have to come kill this bug!"
"NO!"
"Yep. I can't kill it."
"But why do I have to kill it?"
"Because it freaks me out."
"But if I try to kill it, its going to immediately spawn a thousand babies and then they're going to swarm me and try to kill me back."
"Too bad. I can't kill it."
At this point, I'm usually handed a giant shoe and I immediately begin this very attractive squealing/whining noise and can't believe I'm being forced to kill this giant bug that is going to try to swallow me. We begin to discuss options other than me killing the bug. Like Raid. We have at least three cans of Raid spread throughout the house so we can grab it at a moment's notice. Its then that I determine that its ridiculous to make our bathroom smell like chemical warfare and decide that I can do this! I can squash that bug! Commence the squealing/whining noise! Louder! The big moment is here! I am going to kill it! In just one moment! This is the part where I always miss the bug. Somehow, my giant shoe misses the giant bug, and it begins to crawl places. Which means even more noise, and an additional discussion about Raid. But the bug then gets closer and I scream and squash it. Which immediately freaks me the hell out. What if it falls on me? or near me? Or what if its still twitching? The squealing usually reaches its peak about now and I drop the shoe, run screaming to the bed where I hide under the covers. I'm not even kidding. Dave then does the clean-up and normal life resumes.
If you can call it that.
