11 posts tagged “fitness”

I think the goofy things I do while training are funny, but sometimes its hard to describe the hilarity.  Whenever I tell Dave about the bizarre thing I did or that happened that I thought was cool or hysterical the conversation goes something like this:

"And then, I did a bench press but like..backwards sorta, with like my arms over here and my legs, see my legs go over there. And it was awesome! And funny!"

*Blank Stare*  "Uh. yeah, thats hysterical dear."

So, I'm sorry if thats your reaction to this next story about my bench presses, but I think its mildly entertaining.

Last week I was doing dumbbell bench presses and on my last rep of my last set my left arm made it about halfway and then just..died.  My trainer eventually pulled on the weight and helped me finish the rep.  The second he let go the weight plummeted straight down, I apparently had no strength left.  And so the tongue lashing from the trainer began:

"Underwear! What the hell?! I'd prefer it if my clients didn't drop weights on their faces!"

"Dude. I had no idea it was going to do that. I promise I would have told you. But seriously - it didn't go to my face, it went to the SIDE of my face."

"It missed your ear by like a milimeter."

"Okay, okay! But I agree with you - I'd rather not hit myself in the face with the weights.  My arm just said..'fuck you, I'm out.' I couldn't help it!  Is that what 'muscle failure' feels like?"

"SIGH. Yes. Yes, thats what muscle failure feels like.  And warn me next time so I can at least TRY to catch it."

Right. Next time my muscle spontaneously gives up on me I'll send you a memo.

Today we were doing barbell bench presses.  He had racked itty bitty 'baby' weights as I called them and we did a high rep set (high reps = 15).  Seeing as how I called them 'baby' weights when I started means he added manual resistance on my last rep, pushing on the bar.  Last rep, last set again and this time I got halfway and he STOPPED me and made me push there and when he let go I couldn't move it any higher.  And worse, the weight started to come back DOWN.

"I'm soorrrrrrr-ry!"

Laughing. The bar is now SITTING on my chest. "What are you doing?"

"I can't lift it! I can't move it at all!"

More laughing.  He assisted the bar up and said "I think my favorite part was when you APOLOGIZED as the bar came rushing towards your neck."

I love weight lifting.

I confess, I sometimes peruse theknot.com for ideas and tips and such for our wedding.  I stumbled today across their "workout and nutrition" advice.  It made me throw up a little in my mouth.  Particularly this article about nutrition.  Some of my favorites:

The number one tip listed on that site for healthy eating?  "1. Get plenty of sleep."  Want to lose weight? Take a nap!

Touting that every person metabolizes food differently and therefore, some people can eat ice cream and lose weight!  Yes, we all have metabolisms that operate at different speeds and you can do things to help improve that - but HOW your body metabolizes food is the SAME.  You're not special. Get over it.

I love this quote too: "However, the fact that so many people follow some diet or another and are still overweight indicates that something isn't quite right."  Yes, you know whats not quite right?  Those people either didn't actually follow the diet, because any diet out there will work - any of them! if you follow it, or they didn't choose a diet that was sustainable for them.  Atkins or The Zone or any somewhat proven diet will make you lose weight, but if it isn't something you can follow the rest of your life it isn't going to work for very long.

What a bunch of hippie bullshit.

*Please note - this is for entertainment purposes only! I'm not a professional!*

My trainer forwarded me this article, and I just have to share it with you, because the two of us thought it was so laughable that anyone would think this was good advice.  You don't have to know very much about nutrition to know that ice cream is not a good snack anytime, pre or post workout.  Nevermind this so-called "nutritionist's" advice that most people get "plenty" of protein.  Really? Plenty?  I can guarantee you that the average person gets plenty of carbs, but not plenty of protein.  My protein intake is pretty close to 200 grams a day. As in every single day.  To give you an idea of how much that is, an average chicken breast is around 20-25 grams of protein.  An entire can of tuna is around 40grams.  I've read some places that say you should get about a gram of protein for every pound you weigh.  Your muscles need protein to recover, and her advice of carbs with a side of carbs and fat is a horrible way to provide your body with the nutrition it needs - anytime.  She recommends at one point having pretzels or popcorn post workout.  You don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that you're not getting any real nutritional value from those kinds of foods, and its appalling that this woman would recommend it in an article about nutrition.

Every single muscle hurts.  Every last one of them.  And so far, no one has made it past three rounds of my 'Crazy Workout'.  Nevermind 5 rounds twice in one week.  I call offical badassness.  Yes, thats a word, because I say so.  I also got the blessing from my trainer to have oatmeal today after my Crazy Workout.  That was the best tasting oatmeal ever, especially on one of my low-carb days.

Whats a low-carb day, you ask?  Great question.  I am currently doing "Carb-Cycling".  Which means I spend three days a week eating 'low carb' (30 grams or less), one day a week eating 'high-carb' (250 grams) and three days eating 'moderate carb' (120 grams).  To put it in actual "food" terms, my days look a little bit like this (warning, this might be long):

Low Carb:

7am 1/2 a protein shake

Fasting Cardio

9am Whole Protein Shake

10:30am 1/2 protein shake and when I'm on top of my game like I'm supposed to be, chicken

12pm Spinach with lean source of protein (tuna, chicken, shrimp) 2 hardboiled eggs, sugar free jello

2pm Post Workout Protein Shake

5pm Protein Shake and string cheese

7pm Meat and Green Vegetables

9pm Nuts, cheese, or olives

Fun, right?

Moderate Carb:

7-9am same as above, except at 9 I have also a whole grain carb source. No fat.  This may be oatmeal, Kashi Cinnamon Harvest (the only kind of cereal I eat), whole wheat toast, or maybe a bagel.  If I have a lot of carbs here, cereal or the bagel I have fewer carbs later in the day.

10:30am 1/2 protein shake. If I'm hungry I'll have sugar-free yogurt

12pm Usually a sandwhich, if I had a lot of carbs in the morning, this might be a salad.  Maybe some cucumbers or celery and sugar-free jello (or sometimes pudding, if I didn't have yogurt earlier).

2pm Post Workout Protein Shake and some form of carbs.  If I'm having a small treat on a moderate carb day, this is when I have it.

5pm-9pm Same as above

Superfantastic awesomeness.

High Carb:

7-9am same as above, except I almost always have a bagel with sugar-free raspberry jelly and sometimes fat-free cream cheese.

10:30am 1/2 protein shake and yogurt

12pm Sandwhich with sugar-free pudding and maybe a few pretzels.

2pm PW Protein Shake, and a treat.  This may be a soft pretzel, or a pop tart, or a piece of candy.

5pm Same as above

7pm - Go out to eat and enjoy myself.  Order whatever I feel like, including dessert.

Mmm. I love dessert.  So what do you think?

You know you're in trouble when you tell your trainer you're going to do your "Crazy Workout" at 7am the next morning, for the second time that week and he dials down one of your exercises and yet it still takes an hour for your legs to stop shaking and another 2 hours for you to be able to sit comfortably with legs bent not feeling like they're going to cramp like crazy.

And then I get to lift with him again on Friday. I'm gonna die.

PS - My "Crazy Workout" is an Interval workout that over the last year he's slowly increased the intensity.  It now currently stands as follows, (and he's about to make it harder):
60 seconds Double Legged Mountain Climbers
60 seconds Leg Raise + Push
75 seconds Depth Squat Jumps
90 seconds Side Planks (45 seconds each side)
70 seconds Jumping Rope
45 seconds Squat Thrust, with side to side jumps
90 seconds Rest

Lather, rinse, repeat four more times for a total of five rotations.

An Open Letter to the 50-something guy at my gym who continues to get in my face and try to attract my attention while I'm trying to lift heavy things.

Dear Creepy Old Guy At The Gym,

If you would like to speak with me a "hello" would do just fine. Sarcastically talking about me loudly to someone else in an attempt to garner my attention will only result in me wanting to kick your ass.  Based on this, I have no desire to speak with you.  Please crawl back into the dark hole from whence you came.

xoxox
Lenni

P.S. Do you see that fancy use of "from whence" ?  I totally deserved that 97th percentile I got on my GMAT.  Me write good.

P.P.S I TOLD YOU SO GMAT. YOU SUCK.

I've been trying to figure out how to blog about my fitness and nutrition routines without sounding like a big jerk.  I really want to talk about it because its become a new passion of mine and I really love all of the things I am learning, and I am hitting some great milestones in improving my health that I'm really excited about.  And I think if I don't talk to someone else about them soon Dave is going to murder me in my sleep.

The problem is that in general I know a great deal more about both than the average consumer.  But I'm by no means a professional and don't think I'm qualified to give advice or information in any format to someone else.  Whats worked for me may work for you, because some things about health and nutrition are applicable to everyone.  But at the same time, my body is totally unique from everyone else's and how I've responded to certain things is very different from others.

A great example to me is a girl who is approximately the same height as me, slightly older, and who has worked with the same trainer, and gone through the same diet, and the same exercise routines as I have.  She's an All-American athlete and her body responded much more quickly than mine did to training and dieting, and she has achieved certain milestones far faster than I did.  It had nothing to do with discipline, or working hard and everything to do with how our trainer customized things for each of us, and how our bodies responded to those things.

I would like to document and account some of the things I've experienced and done.  I want an outlet for discussing all of those accomplishments I'm proud of, and a place to talk about the days that are hard.  I hope others might benefit from what I might have to say, or even just settle some curiosity.  I'd love to hear from other people who are training and dieting and tell me about their experiences.  I really don't want anyone to think I'm being a show-off, or trying to give advice, or being condescending in any way because of the information I have gathered.

At the same time, I listen to people day in and day out at the gym tell me all their "tricks" and "secrets" that really are excuses masked into something that they think is good.  Bottom line to me is this: no matter how much you think something is good for you because of something you read on CNN, until a professional tells me otherwise I don't care.  Dark chocolate is not a good source of antioxidants.  Neither is red wine.  You know they're treats.  Don't try to make them into something thats good for you, because they're not.  I listen to enough of this stupid crap at the gym that I really have no desire to listen to it outside of the gym.  So what do you think?  Will I become a giant ass if I start to blog about fitness and nutrition?  Are you willing to tell me if I start to do so?

I've gotten a few questions about how the end of my "diet" went, now that my 90 days are up and done and gone and passed.  Sorry I'm so delinquent and haven't updated here!  I did not hit my goal, but I came very close and I'm extremely pleased with my success.  I lost 3.5 points in bodyfat from where I started 90 days ago and that, to me, is incredible.  I'm so happy I was so successful and the fact that I didn't quite meet my goal only means I can keep striving for improvement.  I am now in a phase where I slowly (very slowly) add certain foods back into my diet.  So even though its "over" (and eating healthy is never really over) its not really. Its much like the last 20 days of my diet were and its incredibly difficult - more difficult than any other part of the diet.  Each week gets better and easier though and pretty soon it'll feel more like "normal."  I sort of knew this part was coming, but you can only prepare yourself for it so much.  Its definitely a little hard when you get to day 90 and your trainer goes "Okay!  You can have oatmeal 8 times over the next 30 days. Everything else is the same. Have fun!"  Suddenly 90 days became 120 - but whatever!

Thank you to all of you who supported and helped me through such a challenge! I couldn't have done it without you.  This applies especially to Dave.  He encouraged me, and never made fun of my crazy eating habits and even saw improvements of his own.  I've learned so much about nutrition and there's only more to learn.

The pinnacle of this diet ended right before we left for a week at the beach with Dave's family.  This worked out completely unintentionally and completely fabulously.  Can we say "BIKINI" ? I think so!  A week at the beach with Dave's family deserves its own blog entry, so more on that another time....

Me: "Mmm. Donuts. I love donuts. What're your favorite kinds?"

Trainer: *Thinking* "Its hard to narrow down. I love simple donuts. Glazed. Sour Cream. Cinnamon Sugar."

Me: "Me too! Sour Cream is my favorite." *pause* Do we ever talk about anything other than food?"

Trainer: "Yes! We also talk about movies, people who suck, and boobs."

Me: "No wonder I'm your favorite client!"

T-ONE WEEK until my diet is over and I find out if I reached my goal!!!

I realized I've been blogging about my cat a lot recently.  I'm sorry people! I'm not normally THAT person, but really Boo does the funniest things.  And my life is that boring. But on to another topic.

As many of my close friends and family know, I've recently started a 90 day diet with my trainer with the goal of losing stored body fat.  It's hard.  It is really hard.  And its not hard in any of the ways I thought it would be hard.  It requires a lot of diligence and discipline.  Weekends are especially difficult because I feel like I should relax and let loose, and that always has included my diet in the past.  I have specific days where I can "cheat" so to speak, and the key to the diet is to NOT cheat on days I'm not allowed to.  This has definitely proven to be difficult.

But one aspect of the difficulty of my diet that I did not expect was the people around me.  I like to tell people I'm on a diet so that they can help me hold myself accountable.  I can't tell someone I'm on a diet and then eat a giant brownie in front of them.  The problem with this has been that most people think they know a tremendous amount about nutrition when in reality they know nearly nothing.  I fall squarely into that category of people who know nearly nothing.  But I'm learning.  And I'm not learning by watching the news or reading the internet.  I'm learning from a professional.  And I don't blame the general population for the complete lack of knowledge on nutrition - the media has made the most horrible things for you sound healthy.  Take, for example, bread.  Bread is loaded with labels that sound good for you.  "Whole Grain!"  "All Natural!"  Both of which mean very little.  I'm supposed to buy whole wheat bread without High Fructose Corn Syrup in it.  I challenge you to find this bread without picking up and reading the labels of at least 5 different brands.   Its amazing the foods that sound good that are not.  And the worst part is most people would rather believe that than listen to their common sense.  They'd rather justify eating Cocoa Puffs by seeing the "whole grain" label on it.  I think everyone in their right mind knows that there's no possible way Cocoa Puffs are good for you, but people buy into it anyway so they can continue to eat what they like and not feel guilty.  And this is what has been so hard - the psyche of the American public when it comes to health.

There's no secrets or tricks to most of what I'm doing.  I'm eating lots of lean meats and green vegetables, and I eat all day long.  But what has worked for me, may or may not work for someone else.  What my trainer has given me is specialized for exactly me.  I've been shocked by the women at my gym who have seen the subtle changes in my physique and want to know all the secret answers.  And then turn around and justify what they've eaten anyway, or why something won't work for them.  Or then try some crazy version of what I'm doing without consulting a professional and get sick.  Not to mention the women who have started talking about me behind my back.  This is the most shocking and difficult part of my experience so far.  Its been worse for the girl who did this right before me.  They spread rumors about her having eating disorders, and how it can't actually be healthy, and how can her husband let her look like that?  Its a shame that women can't see the accomplishments of their peers and be supportive and impressed.  They have to make excuses and bring that person down so they don't have to feel so guilty about the fact that they can't or won't put the hard work into doing it themselves.

This is what makes me the most angry.  Hey, no one is making or asking you to change your diet.  If you love your Cocoa Puffs and you are happy with your health then knock yourself out.  Eat a box every day for all I care.  In fact, I have a lot of admiration for someone who has acceptance for who they are and someone who takes responsibility for their lifestyle.  But don't come to make talking about how you want to be healthier and ask questions about why my diet is working and asking me to share what limited knowledge I do have about nutrition with you to then turn around and explain to me why I'm wrong and why Cocoa Puffs are perfectly healthy and really I'm the one who has eating problems.  Cocoa Puffs have whole grain in them! You need whole grain and fiber to digest your food properly!  You're probably sleeping with your trainer and not eating thats why you've lost 10 pounds!

This reaction probably sounds absurd to most of you - it did to me.  I wish I were exaggerating.  I'm dead serious that some people have responded in this way to both me and my colleague who did this right before me.  What a shame.  I'm thankful friends and family have been very supportive and asked all the right questions.  I'm always happy to talk  about what I'm doing and what I'm learning.   And thanks for not being offended when I've come to visit and couldn't eat some of the food you've prepared.  Here's to 60 days more of successful dieting - I couldn't have made it through the first 30 without you!